I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
