he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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