i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
