tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
