Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
