he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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