he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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