i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
