Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
