it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
