I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
