Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
