I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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