my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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