my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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