I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
