using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
