You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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