new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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