Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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