I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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