Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Who died my cat blue again?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
