Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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