Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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