Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
