When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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