I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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