I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
