Will you blow on my dice?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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