wat bout pragnant strippers??
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You brought string cheese to the strip club
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
