The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
