someone get that fucking seahorse.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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