I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
