You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
