He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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