apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
