Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
