i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
