i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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