Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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