you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
