I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How external is "for external use only"?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
