Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
