where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
