im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
