so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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