Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They took my balls.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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