I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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