i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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