Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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