Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
