I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize