I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
