Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the day after is always just damage control
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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