Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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