I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
