Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
