So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
