Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
