Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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