i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
