When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize