wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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