and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
