Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
