I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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