you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
