I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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