Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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