I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
