I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
