I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
