Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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