he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
