Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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