Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
