u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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