woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
