I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
